"Show 'em who's boss" -- Really?

(http://swebman.com/2013/04/29/boss-vs-leader-2/)

I’m sure that most people have seen the image that has circulated on Facebook featuring a list of traits that differentiate a “boss” from a “leader.”  I think this is an important distinction to make in light of how these opposite styles of leadership can affect an organization.

On occasion when I was teaching riding to kids, parents would be nearby, watching proudly at the sight of their child happily leading a thousand pound horse to the grooming stall.  As often happens with inexperienced horse handlers, the horse would sometimes veer “off course” to the hay pile that was just beyond the grooming stall.  When the child struggled a bit to figure out what to do, parents would quickly say to them “You need to be the boss of that horse and make him do what you want.” 

     

      Okay, let’s chew on that statement for a moment.  

A. What does “be the boss” mean to a 12 year old, who has likely expressed disdain at being bossed around by anyone?  Words and phrases in the thesaurus describing “boss” include: “Command, Bully, Give orders in a demeaning manner and Person in charge.”   To most kids and adults I know, none of these words represent positive attributes.  In fact, most people clearly state their dislike of other people who exhibit those characteristics.  And, I find that many people are actually uncomfortable with the thought of being “the boss.”  My guess is that most people don’t want to be called “the boss” as they believe that it paints them in a negative light.

      B. What is the parent inferring when they use that phrase?  Where is the parent getting their reference of the term “boss” from?  When people use the phrase “you need to be the boss” I immediately begin to wonder what their reference point is for it.  Do they have a “boss” who “makes” people do what the boss wants?  Or are they themselves “the boss” who tries to make others do what they want?  As I work with individuals and groups in my equine experiential leadership and team development program, the notion of “being the boss” is one that quickly becomes a point of discussion when people realize that it is not the way to lead others in a way that creates trust.  The horses are very good at providing non-judgmental feedback to support this.    

C. Do the actions of “being the boss” really make a horse – or people for that matter -- do what you want? Going back to the parents encouraging their child to “be the boss and make the horse do what you want” -- have you as an adult ever tried to “make” someone do what you want and been successful in the long term?  While horses can be extremely compliant, they also are quite a bit more powerful than humans and if they really don’t want to do something, they don’t have to.  If you’ve ever been bucked off a horse, you know what I’m talking about.  When you think of someone who is bossy, what are the actions that you associate with that?  I’m guessing they are not actions that create a warm and fuzzy feeling for you or encourage you to want to go along with them.  Going back to the thesaurus: “Command, Bully, Superior, Give orders in a demeaning manner….”  In most instances, these are not the actions that make people (or horses) willingly follow someone.

Certainly there are times (with horse and humans) that we need to be insistent on getting our needs communicated - especially if there is risk of harm.  But in most cases when people use the phrase "Show them who's boss" it is simply a way to portray dominance, which is not leadership.

What if, instead of advising their child to “be the boss and make the horse do what you want,” the parent said “be the leader and the horse will come with you” – would this change the interaction?  How many organizations have too many people in leadership positions thinking that “being the boss” is the way to get people to do what is needed?  I’m guessing your response is “Too many.”  I agree.  So let’s start changing our leadership vernacular. Trust and a willingness to follow are not the result of “being the boss” – but they ARE the result of being an effective leader who communicates clearly with intention, empathy, compassion and an understanding of what motivates different individuals.  It’s what horses respond to and I believe it’s what people want as well.

The Convenient Choice

By Ginny Telego

A couple of months ago I changed my diet to see if I could resolve some health issues through adjustments to my diet instead of medication. The changes weren't major -- I just started eating less processed and fatty foods and more whole grains, fruits and vegetables.  It started with a week long "Clean eating challenge" that I was invited to participate in by a friend who is a Beach Body Coach. All I had to do was participate in a Facebook group that required me to report in every day on what I ate.  Accountability. Yikes. At first it was kind of fun.  For about 3 days.  Then I really wanted some of my "normal" foods -- ice cream, chips, etc... Not a lot of bad stuff, just a "little something."  But I knew I had to report that to the group if I ate it (okay -- I could have lied and told the group I ate super healthy, but I couldn't bring myself to be dishonest, even though I didn't know most of the other people in the group).  As hard as it was to be accountable, the fact was that for the first time in two years, I went an entire week feeling great.  After the week-long challenge, I had the choice to continue doing something positive - knowing that it would require some additional investment of time and money for healthy groceries -- or I could return to my "normal" habits and go back to not feeling good.  I made the choice to continue to invest in myself knowing that ultimately it would pay off in my overall health.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago.  I'd been doing really well with my eating choices and enjoying feeling good.  But then I had a really jam-packed day and knew I wouldn't have time to make myself a healthy dinner.  I had to grab a quick dinner and eat on the way to an evening meeting.  I made the decision to go through the drive thru at a fast-food restaurant -- one I had not visited in almost 3 months.  I really should have ordered a grilled chicken wrap, but I convinced myself that I just couldn't eat another chicken wrap so I purchased a less expensive combo meal of a double hamburger, fries and an unsweet tea.  The first few bites tasted really good.  Then I started thinking "Is this really what I needed?" And then I realized, in the words of the ancient knight in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," that I had "chosen poorly."  The next 6 hours of my life were horrible.  My body rebelled against that dinner choice with full force. 

In the world of professional development, there seems to be an unlimited number of options.  Often times an organization just continues to do what they've always done with professional development, even though they aren't getting the results they need.  Other times they only look at cost and don't take the time to really look at the ingredients of a training.  It can seem overwhelming, especially if you are in a hurry to decide and on a budget.  And change is never easy.  How may times have you heard "We've always done it that way, and it's too hard to do something different?"  Or an organization invests a little bit of time and money in professional development that gives positive results, but returns to old habits when it seems too expensive or time-consuming to continue the training that worked.

Study after study shows that organizations that invest in professional development for their employees have higher profits, are more innovative and have a higher percentage of employee engagement.  Like our food choices, when making decisions for professional development, we can either do what's convenient and maybe less expensive in the short run, or we can see that there is a longer term benefit to making better choices.

Know your goals:  When I did the "Clean eating challenge" group, my goal was to see if changing my diet and eating habits would make me feel better and reduce the necessity of medication.  When making decisions about professional development training, it's critical to know not only what your short term goals are, but also what your long term goals are.  If you don't know where you are going, it's easy to get sidetracked with decisions that don't help you get there.

Learn the ingredients:  One thing I learned in changing my diet was to really look at the ingredients on any food items that weren't fresh fruit or vegetables.  I was stunned to see how much sodium is in many "convenient" frozen meals - even ones labeled as "healthy."  Not all professional development programs contain the same ingredients.  Sure they'll fill your need in some way, but what are the consequences of programs that really don't have a positive affect on your organization in the long term?  Fancy marketing and packaging doesn't always mean quality ingredients.

Think about the outcomes: In changing my diet and eating habits, I constantly have to keep myself focused on the outcome of the choices I make.  If I make poor choices, I cannot expect that the outcome will be good.  As difficult as it sometimes is to make better choices, the outcome is much more desirable so I'm able to feel good about the choices I make.  Making good choices when choosing a professional development program will likely to lead to positive outcomes. 

Not all professional development programs are created equal.  To get the best return on your investment, it's critical to honestly assess what outcomes you want, understand what makes up the curriculum and realize that less expensive and more convenient may not be the best investment of your time and money.  Choosing a program that fits your staff development needs is important to the well-being of your organization.  Don't just make a convenient choice.

Taking Active Learning to a Whole New Level

By Paul Andrew Johnson, Ph.D.

Crawford County CU Lead is a leadership development program with a focus on community involvement. Our leaders make a difference, not just in the workplace or in the family, but in the community, as well. We believe that when it comes to transforming communities, not only does leadership make a difference, it is the difference!

Over the past four years Wager’s Way has become a keystone experience for our CU Leaders. Wager’s Way takes active learning to a whole new level! Through the Wager’s Way experience, our leaders learn that leadership is the process of developing relationships through trust and respect, clear communication, and effective action; all essential elements of effective leadership in any setting.

One of the most powerful lesson’s of the Wager’s Way experience is that leadership is all about relationships, connections, and influence.  Just as ensuring the well-being of the herd is an ongoing process that relies upon strong and trustworthy leadership, team work, communication, active participation, and relationships, so it is with leading communities.

One of the most elusive aspects of leadership is motivation. Effective leaders are attentive to the needs and motives of followers and endeavor to help followers improve their performance and reach their fullest potential. As such, effective leadership involves motivating others to transcend their own self-interests for the good of the team, the organization, or the community. The Wager’s Way experience gives leaders the opportunity to explore what motivation looks like from a horse’s perspective. In so doing, leaders gain insight into their own leadership behaviors in ways that other group process activities just can’t match.

As a result of their Wager’s Way leadership experience, our CU Leader’s have learned that effective leadership means actively facilitating and supporting the leadership of others and the collective capacity of people to lead as they respond to situations they confront as organizations and communities.

How have CU Leaders evaluated their Wager’s Way leadershipexperience? One CU leader expressed it best: “Wager’s Way changed my life!”

Paul Johnson, Ph.D.

Associate Professor

Leadership and Policy Studies

Bowling Green State University

Bowling Green, Ohio